i want to be angry
scratch the surface
scratch out your eyes
and
fill my gut
with some kind of horror
tiny scraps
of emotion
something
that is at least
real
real like the dry
palms of my hands
the sound
of cars
on the street
leading somewhere
nowhere
up against the wall
against the grain
breaking my back
my aching bones
i want to remember
what it was like
to love you