The Threat of Tonight:

Again the possibility of seeing Mr. Wrong looms over me. An outing has been planned for this evening and I can't help but feel anxious and excited and worried and terrified that he's going to be there. I only wish I knew foresure but it would be just too wierd and suspicious if I asked.

I want to go, I want to see him... just as much... as much as I don't. Careless smiles and darting looks await me. I am sure. And those are the things that I fear. I fear everything and most of all I fear the long and lingering looks. The ones that speak volumes when his words are filled with hollow questions and answers. The looks that undress me. The looks that leave me helpless and insane. The looks that jump start my heart and send me running into a whirlwind. And in that whirlwind I spin higher and higher up into the sky and the sky swallows me whole and I become lost. I am lost and afraid and the blood poors from my veins onto the floor and I lie. I lie on the floor awaiting my doom. Under the spell of this wretched silence. A quietness that has punctured every aspect of my life and the little universe in which it resides.

Here I float. I float with my eyes wide awake and the chasm beneath me is the threat of tonight. Tonight, with its mysteries like a shimmering blade. It is the source of all of this fear. It is the source of all of this.