"There Are Trees in the Desert..."

It's been almost two weeks now since I saw Mr. Wrong and it seems as though there is no end to this insanity. I walk a quiet madness now, searching for clues. My memories scrambled up, the truth lost in the sand. I punish myself too. I punish myself for all the things that happened on that night. The night that changed everthing. The night when I spoke wild and gushing exclamations of passion. The night when I lay there naked in the arms of a man who looks at me with eyes filled with a thousand silent words. Holding him so tightly against me, under the fist of his selfish little self. I felt like I was drowning in him. That night seems so long ago now. With his doubt and callous desire for me, looming like a ghost in every day that has followed it. I think now of the truth. The truth I gave, the truth he gave, that he couldn't give, the truth we kept... Still, the uncertainty remains. The future is unknown. The future that seems unreal now. As though only memory could make it forward into the cold, cruelty of it. Bound in our hearts without poetry. The reality of our situation, cut, with the precise and steady scalpel of science and logic.

I cannot accept such simple defeat though. And I, with reason, will not be killed by shame. I spoke to him, all the truth I could speak. This Mr. Wrong who makes me feel this way, so easily. Sweaty palms and the guts to be wild. All of this pain must have purpose. I will not be killed by science. The world is a dream. A walk upon the desert floor. I must live free this way. Continue to be bold. Teach him things, daring things, the things that no other girl would do.

There are trees in the desert now. With butterflies in your stomach and fire at your feet, the truth will set you free.

....