This ending.

The sounds of the world seem long gone now. All of my hope, a memory somewhere caught in the distance.

Last night, reality hit me right in the face. And I cried. I cried so hard I didn't think I was ever going to stop. How could I have been so fucking stupid? I can barely write about it now without tears threatening to overcome my wretched soul. I miss him so much, I am broken beyond words, he has gone away... never to return... Never to shed his beautiful light on me once more.

In my thoughts, the blame seems to shift every moment. How could he move on with such ease? Did I not see his hand reaching out clearly enough? Did I bruise him? Was I simply his temporary harlot? Some distraction? A passing ship? The love of his life, set free to die? Discarded with only distaste? Oh God. I know not the truth. I don't know anything at all. Only that, this ending is tearing me apart. I feel unable to go on, knowing what I have lost. Not knowing. Not knowing what may have been. The joy that bleeds from my veins, slow, cold.