My head still hurts today. But I'm starting to wake. Wake from the dream that has held me to the ground. Kept me in the dark. Punctured my hope with steel bars that rise. Rise from the earth. From beneath my cold feet. It seems so tender now. Comforting. Alive. Alive with atoms and insects and eons. Eons of memory and seconds of laughter and tears and him and me and the tragic outcome that is born of lust and doubt and hope and hate and love and all I want is to be this way again. To feel.

I want to know the truth and never know it again. To disappear in the white pelting snow, lie forever in its heap. Until they find me. Eyes staring up. Into the sky. Making a wish on a forgotten star. Screaming. Singing lovely songs about poverty and death. Giggling with lollypop lips, remembering his kiss, all sweet, no pain. The world is spinning.

Of course it is.

That's what it does.

But I just stare at the computer screen. Thinking. Pretending. Trying to cope. Living. Breathing. Making happy dreams. Mourning, once more, love lost and not quite begun. I am awake.

I am awake again.